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Parenthood was once thought to be inevitable — a destiny — for healthy fertile adults.

No more. Many people are opting out, a life choice that still provokes debate.

The number of babies born in the U.S. last year fell to the everyman level in 32 years, with younger women peculiarly having fewer kids. Americans are now having fewer children than it takes to supplant the population, a trend mirrored in other countries.

It doesn't surprise Amy Blackstone, a sociology professor at the University of Maine and writer of the new book, "Childfree by Pick: The Motility Redefining Family unit and Creating a New Historic period of Independence."

She and her husband Lance decided not to accept children years ago later only not feeling the pull towards parenthood. They bank check in with each other every year to make sure they're still both on lath about opting out. Famous women who've besides fabricated the choice include Ina Garten, Cameron Diaz and Helen Mirren.

Amy and Lance Blackstone got married in 1995. For years when people asked her when she was going to have kids, she responded, "I'm not ready notwithstanding." Only and so she realized she simply didn't want children. Courtesy Amy Blackstone

For her book, Blackstone interviewed 70 child-free men and women and surveyed more than 700 nearly their experiences. She institute women still feel the brunt of the stigma.

"Men sort of get a pat on the dorsum and there's more joking about, 'Aren't you lucky that y'all dodged this bullet?'" Blackstone, 47, told TODAY.

"Whereas for women, information technology's the, 'Oh, you poor thing, I can't believe you lot're missing out on the most meaningful experience that a woman can have. Y'all must be so sorry and lonely.'"

Hither are viii more of her findings:

i. Many of the acme reasons for skipping parenthood are especially truthful for millennials

Blackstone: The cost of living and having a baby — we know that'south a specially difficult effect for millennials who are facing all kinds of college debt. Certainly, having a kid has an touch on on the surround and I know that'south a reason that millennials accept shared for their pick.

Other acme reasons include the desire for autonomy, spontaneity, freedom and the power to travel.

2. Many child-free people want to focus on the relationships they already take

Blackstone: This quote from a 44-year-old married adult female resonated for me: "I worry that if I had a kid I'd become a terrible partner because I'd exist so focused on being a good parent."

This doesn't mean child-free people necessarily have perfect relationships or meliorate relationships than parents. Only in my own case, I practice recognize that I would be giving something upwards in terms of my ability to experience shut with my partner and nurture that relationship.

3. It'south not a 'selfish' choice

Blackstone: In 2015, Pope Francis said, "The choice to not have children is selfish."

If nosotros're going to put that label on the kid-gratis, then it's a label that needs to exist shared across any group of people who've made a choice most the life that they know is right for them.

But isn't that what nosotros're all doing? Even parents, if you ask them why they had children, would tell you that they wanted kids considering that's the life that they envisioned for themselves.

Alternatively, we can cull to abandon the "selfish" characterization and determine it'due south OK for people to make a life pick that is best for them, whether that be parenthood or not-parenthood. Maybe neither selection is selfish.

There's an impression that child-free people don't give back, or aren't giving to their communities or making a difference in the world. Frankly, null could be further from the truth. We know from research that the kid-complimentary are involved in their communities — they're about as probable as parents to volunteer.

four. Many kid-free people practise similar kids

Blackstone: A quarter of the kid-free people I interviewed actually chose careers that require them to exist involved and make a departure in children's lives. Many of them are teachers, social workers, pediatricians. There are all kinds of means the child-free are engaged in kids' lives and fabricated a choice to do that.

Some child-free people don't like children and in that case, the last thing we want to do is push them into becoming parents.

5. Child-free people don't have regret down the road

Blackstone: I accept not talked with anyone who feels regret almost their selection.

I have had family members who I know have been worried for me, just we should accept when people tell us they don't want to have children. Parenthood is a role that is all-time fulfilled when it'due south one that's chosen. Information technology takes a lot to exist a good parent so if somebody doesn't experience that pull, that's perfectly OK.

six. Child-gratuitous people are fulfilled and happy

Blackstone: When people say we are missing out on something, that's admittedly truthful. But I would also turn it around and say information technology's possible that parents are missing out on some aspects of the lives that child-free people bask. We can't exercise it all — information technology's impossible to accept every life feel.

So yeah, nosotros will miss some experiences, but I don't call back that because that is true, that information technology necessarily follows nosotros're unhappy. I'm very happy with my decision. My husband and I have a life that we dear.

The Blackstones scuba dive in Roatan. "I doubt I would have been capable of balancing motherhood with the sort of connection with my partner that I desire," Amy Blackstone writes in her new volume. Courtesy Amy Blackstone

7. 'Who will treat you in one-time age?' and 'Won't you exist alone?' are questions for anybody

Blackstone: These are questions that nosotros all should be thinking about as we age, whether we have children or not.

In terms of the kid-free, many take been creating a nest egg to help them be able to provide for themselves in their former historic period. And we're seeing more and more examples of "The Gold Girls"-style living where older adults are sharing households with each other.

Information technology's a mistake to presume having children means one volition have a person to treat them in their former historic period. Not every developed kid cares for their aging parents, research shows.

eight. A child-free household is a family

Blackstone: I would beloved it if we came to empathize that the child-free have families. I count my husband and me every bit a family.

Child-free families fulfill the same functions that families with children exercise. We create households as a safe space that provides an emotional connection and an opportunity to recharge. We engage in "social reproduction," which involves anything that people do to assist rear the adjacent generation. For the kid-complimentary, that means being mentors and friends to children.

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Source: https://www.today.com/health/why-aren-t-millennials-having-kids-8-insights-child-free-t155804

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